(Photo’s not mine)
I have known her for years. No, correct that; I have known her for almost of our lives. We are childhood bestfriends. We’ve been together since then. We witnessed each other ups and downs. I know all her secrets, from shallow to deepest one and so she is to me. I have witnessed her being humiliated by her teacher in front of her classmates and other teachers. I have witnessed how things she deserves taken away from her. I have also witnessed her being verbally bullied. It’s one of the painful experiences she had. She almost give up then. Most of her friends, whom she treated as a bestfriends, turned their backs at her. How her classmates judged her and think negatively at her. She lost her focused. She lost her interest in everything like going to school. Everyday is a battle for her. She pretended that she’s okay and such but every night, I’ve witnessed how hard she cried. As I scale from 1-10, 9 of her school year, she struggled. Her family loves her ‘tho she didn’t see that. She’s always there for me. She’s my sister, my other half. I love her eventhough I never tell her. Eventhough I dont show her and eventhough most of the time, I forget to take care of her.
One day, she look me straight in my eyes. The moment I saw those brownish-black pairs, I immediately knew that she’s broken. Despite that, she manage to give me a smile. A smile that didn’t reach her eyes. She asked me, “do you love me?” I nodded as a response. She then continue. “Then why do I feel neglected?” As I was about to answer, she cutted me and continue asking, “why do I feel lonely and empty?” “Why do I always feel that nobody is there for me?” “That the world is against me?”. I am just staring her and letting her continue because I feel guilty. “Why did you, the only person I thought to stick with me, left me alone?” “Why did you let me all by myself?” “Yes, I have met new friends, but I still feel alone” “My father always scolding me. We always fight. He even said one time that I will just disappoint him in the future. My mother once set boundaries on our relationships. You knew that I dont want to depend on anyone anymore, but I guess Im really hopeless because I still do. I still care for everyone surrounds me.”
Memories of her painful experience flashed me. I feel the pang of pain when I saw her teary eyes. I remembered how hard for her to continue after that.
(Photo’s not mine)
“I cant go on anymore. I am tired. I just want to rest. I wanna give up already. Their. No. You! You always turning back at me. All of you! I am not important to you nor to everybody. No one stand for me! No one cares for me!”
She burst everything. Her eyes is now pooled with tears and so mine. I regret taking her for granted. I was wrong. I am always wrong. I cant erase her pain. She then paused and utter a word that shocked me and made me punch her. How dare her say that Im a loser?! That I am nothing! That I am her! No! I cant be her! I am not her! Ghad! That’s why my hatred for her is always strong than my love. She has a messed mind and she’s messing mine too. She stopped, but I continue giving her an angry stare; not minding my bleeding knuckle.
(Photo’s not mine)
(Photo is not mine)
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